Second guessing

It's no real surprise I've started second guessing our move to Colorado for the first time given we are approaching the one year mark. Yes, Colorado has plenty to offer us, but there's a lot of sacrifices that came with the move. The biggest being my family, especially my parents and brother. I miss them so much. I hate that I can't just pop on over to see them and mooch free meals whenever I want. I miss my dad stopping over to check on me and bringing me fresh fruits. Oh how I'll miss the big batches of strawberries. Also, my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer this week, and I feel bad that I'm not there for my mom. Not that she needs it because we all know what a rock my mom is. I hate that I don't have my brother here to take me to the theater. I have been thinking about going to a play in Denver to get me a little culture, by my self of course. Mikey, please hurry and move here! The second biggest is my best friends. Yes, we've started meeting people and, hopefully, growing friendships, but it's impossible to replace 8, 10, 15 year friendships. It's almost Oscar time and I hate that I'm going to see as many of the Oscar nominees by myself. I know some of you may be saying, "But Marisa, you got a house." It's a beautiful house and I love it, but it's big, which means lots of cleaning. And with a toddler running around making messes all day long, it's hard to keep up with it. Hence, one of the reasons I'm all about taking her out of the house as often as possible so she doesn't destroy my house. Our apartment in HB had many problems, but guess what, it was a heck of a lot cheaper in the long run considering we now have a mortgage. In the 10 years I've been with Shawn, I've never seen him crunching as many numbers as he has since we bought a house. Owning a home ages you with all the bills and things that need to be done. It's like having another job, I swear. True, we have more space for Inara to play in and no shootings happening down the street from us and we don't see the cops on our block on a daily basis and I don't have to walk in the alley to get to my laundry room, but don't all these things build character? I do see the benefits of our move. Plus, owning a house is a tax benefit. I get it. But with homeownership comes adult responsibilities and who likes those? Also, if we were still back in CA, I could work a couple days a week to give me a little break from mommy duties, and I'd have a built in babysitter like Lisa has had for years: Mom and Pop. As if they would ever turn away the chance to watch Inara. I miss having them here to help out with her in times of desperation. For example, I went to get my eyebrows waxed yesterday (the first time in over a month may I add) and got to lay there fo 15 minutes listening to my daughter whine and scream and say "Mommy! Mommy!" as many times as should could in a short span. Yes, Mom and Pop are invaluable. As much as I will say it's impossible to replace long lasting friendships, I will tell you it's nearly impossible to replace my parents (aka the world's best babysitters...I mean parents). And darn it I thought moving to CO was going to give me seasons...what's with all the sunshine and where's the snow? I feel like I'm in HB again. Except I don't hear police sirens screeching out my window or smell cigarette smoke coming from my neighbor's front yard. Instead, I hear my daughter banging her toys and yelling "Mommy" as I steal away for a little creative writing for the day.